Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
