At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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