Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
