Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i jhust puked up my retainher.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
