Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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