they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
