Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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