The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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