so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
