Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just forgot I was standing up.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
