You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
