there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I touched a dick in church today
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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