Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
