My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
