tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.