Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.