The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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