After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
