Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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