i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
