We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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