Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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