I haven't been this sober since birth.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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