i just google imaged poop.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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