Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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