so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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