You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
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I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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