She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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