Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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