She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
