My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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