Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just gift wrapped bread.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
