It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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