I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
