My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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