So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
