Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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