I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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