I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
whose parrot is this?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
