My first STD was from a foam party
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
