Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
