Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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