If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
