Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
