Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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