You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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