When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
