This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
