Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.