ADVERTISEMENT

• (404): View more from Georgia

  girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice

  Fav 20 965 4013

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?

  (760): View more from California

  You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

  Fav 27 4634 1030

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (440): View more from Ohio

  he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously

  Fav 13 4637 969

  share tweet
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.

  Fav 14 1610 4654

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."

  Fav 34 5721 1686

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests

  Fav 9 3637 1219

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.

  Fav 2 1581 1048

  share tweet
  

• (213): View more from California

  hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"

  Fav 17 1340 1251

  share tweet
  

• (260): View more from Indiana

  The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.

  Fav 4 1848 824

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.

  Fav 1 1586 1063

  share tweet
  

• (44): View more from United Kingdom

  I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.

  Fav 4 1826 948

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.

  Fav 1 913 511

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails

  Fav 2 565 777

  share tweet
  

• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers

  Fav 0 685 744

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (518): View more from New York

  I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are

  Fav 0 804 534

  share tweet
  

Randomize