Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.