Texts From Last Night

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  (956): View more from Texas

  around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...

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  (956): around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people... http://tfl.nu/4vgn
  Replies (6) Good night (3195) Bad night (1173)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.

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  (224): My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it. http://tfl.nu/fqyk
  Replies (18) Good night (1026) Bad night (2847)
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  (909): View more from California

  so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.

  (1-909): View more from California

  I worship thee.

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  (909): so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed. (1-909): I worship thee. http://tfl.nu/jd00
  Replies (54) Good night (8410) Bad night (1393)
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  (714): View more from California

  turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

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  (714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j
  Replies (14) Good night (9562) Bad night (1595)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce

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  (512): turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce http://tfl.nu/v1jk
  Replies (19) Good night (1408) Bad night (5316)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.

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  (773): Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary. http://tfl.nu/s27x
  Replies (2) Good night (2821) Bad night (1010)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.

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  (865): Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off. http://tfl.nu/a9zf
  Replies (17) Good night (4272) Bad night (980)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.

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  (937): Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault. http://tfl.nu/6aqr
  Replies (11) Good night (2548) Bad night (1736)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.

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  (218): Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county. http://tfl.nu/h5dk
  Replies (12) Good night (1500) Bad night (792)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.

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  (310): I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/zxsm
  Replies (6) Good night (1941) Bad night (591)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.

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  (215): I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa. http://tfl.nu/hvqf
  Replies (4) Good night (1422) Bad night (629)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.

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  (580): It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck. http://tfl.nu/h6bo
  Replies (6) Good night (747) Bad night (1285)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.

  (509): View more from Washington

  you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left

  (971): View more from Oregon

  goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan

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  (971): I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH. (509): you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left (971): goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan http://tfl.nu/bxrp
  Replies (4) Good night (1560) Bad night (467)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned

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  (214): hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned http://tfl.nu/ixc1
  Replies (2) Good night (572) Bad night (315)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?

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  (425): How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"? http://tfl.nu/pajq
  Replies (14) Good night (1078) Bad night (397)

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