Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
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Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.