tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles