wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
