Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
