In the future we'll all be gay
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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