Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize