I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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