she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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