and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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