Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
