i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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