apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
