It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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