Are we in a gay sports bar?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
